I talked to my Mom yesterday and asked her about the driving. She said that she was going to keep driving until she got something in the mail. Hmmm, I don't think that's what the doctor meant. We went back and forth a bit and then I let it go. It's so hard to know what to do in these cases. I don't want to alienate her, but she needs to be safe and I don't want her to hurt anyone.
She is really worried about my sister. She, my sister, is having a really hard time right now. Her husband is just back at work after 7 months off, it's a long scary story but the stress of that is really taking it's toll. We've sort of given my sister a slightly revised version of what is actually going on with my Mom. I told her the truth, more or less, the only change I made was that I said that they are still doing tests to find out what is going on with my Mom. My sister kept saying how relieved she was and that if anything was going on with my Mom it would devastate her. I just don't have it in me right now to break my sister's heart. But I'm also scared that she is going to be hurt that we kept this from her. I get that this is a journey, but I just don't want to take it!
10:30am: The doctor just called. She wanted to talk about my Mom taking the "Drive Able" test. It gives people with Alzheimer's a chance to win back their drivers licenses for a while before they get too far gone. Did I just say "too far gone"? Damn I hate this! I told her what was going on, she was very sympathetic and gave me a bunch of strategies to deal with my Mom. I bit the bullet and called my Mom. She didn't answer and her mailbox is full! Is this what's is going to be like? If this is only Day 3, what's Day 47, or Day 122 going to be like? I just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Day 2
It's amazing how a couple of words spoken by a doctor can entirely change your world.
All I keep thinking of is the doctor saying "I asked her to write in the numbers of a clock and then put the hands in at 10 to 11, she couldn't do it" "I asked her to subtract 7 from 100, she couldn't do it" "I asked her to copy of picture of of two pentagon's overlapping, she couldn't do it" she couldn't do it, she couldn't do it, she couldn't do it!
Then she asked me if my Mom was apathetic? no more than normal. Was she acting depressed? no. Did she seem short tempered and frustrated? no. That's good, right? That made me hopeful, maybe she's alright.
I realize now, that's what's our future holds, it will come in time, we're just not there yet.
It's supposed to be good that they've found out about my Mom's condition early, that way they can start treating it. I wish only I knew and that my Mom didn't. My Mom is so vital and full of life. She's so interesting and interested. She's too smart to have this happen to her. She must be so scared. I'm so sad for her.
I left a message with Mom this morning, I still haven't heard back. Yesterday morning, that would have been standard, my Mom has never been good at returning messages. When do I start to worry? Figuring this all out ain't gonna be easy! I'm going to be driving the poor woman crazy!
I know I have to give her as much control in this situation as possible, that ain't gonna be easy either! I know how I want to handle this, hopefully we'll be on the same page, at least every so often.
GREAT ADVICE:
All I keep thinking of is the doctor saying "I asked her to write in the numbers of a clock and then put the hands in at 10 to 11, she couldn't do it" "I asked her to subtract 7 from 100, she couldn't do it" "I asked her to copy of picture of of two pentagon's overlapping, she couldn't do it" she couldn't do it, she couldn't do it, she couldn't do it!
Then she asked me if my Mom was apathetic? no more than normal. Was she acting depressed? no. Did she seem short tempered and frustrated? no. That's good, right? That made me hopeful, maybe she's alright.
I realize now, that's what's our future holds, it will come in time, we're just not there yet.
It's supposed to be good that they've found out about my Mom's condition early, that way they can start treating it. I wish only I knew and that my Mom didn't. My Mom is so vital and full of life. She's so interesting and interested. She's too smart to have this happen to her. She must be so scared. I'm so sad for her.
I left a message with Mom this morning, I still haven't heard back. Yesterday morning, that would have been standard, my Mom has never been good at returning messages. When do I start to worry? Figuring this all out ain't gonna be easy! I'm going to be driving the poor woman crazy!
I know I have to give her as much control in this situation as possible, that ain't gonna be easy either! I know how I want to handle this, hopefully we'll be on the same page, at least every so often.
GREAT ADVICE:
- Make sure I give my Mom a chance to contribute to my life, just like she always has. She's still my Mom and she's still a great, interesting, informed woman.
- Maybe we don't have to use the "A" word. Maybe we can tell people that she's not driving because they are looking into some neurological issues and want to be safe. It's not a lie. Try and let her control who knows what, and when.
September 19, 2011
When my Dad passed away last year I started a blog. I made a couple of posts, but it all happened so fast that I couldn't keep it up and posting didn't seem to be an answer for my grief. Today, less than a year and a half later, my Mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Honestly, until today, I didn't think there could be anything worse than to witness a parent being diagnosed with incurable cancer, until today.
I know there are a ton of things worse than that, losing a child, losing a husband but to witness that kind of, I don't even know how to describe it. It's not terror, it's more like defeat. To witness that, and to be totally incapable of saying or doing anything to make it easier to bear, is almost unbearable in itself.
How terrified must she be? What does her future hold? How long will she know who I am? I'm not ready to slowly watch my Mom fade away before my very eyes.
They told her she can't drive, that in itself must be a stunning lose. How is she going to explain that to people she doesn't want to know about the diagnosis? Her whole life has changed, on a dime.
The doctor said it will be easiest on my Mom, I doubt that, at least not in the beginning. She already said, quite off-hand, that she would rather die than face this. I'm so sorry for her, I'm so scared for her.
How do I tell my daughters? My sister? When? When do we tell her friends? Who will stand by her? How are we going to do this?
I know there are a ton of things worse than that, losing a child, losing a husband but to witness that kind of, I don't even know how to describe it. It's not terror, it's more like defeat. To witness that, and to be totally incapable of saying or doing anything to make it easier to bear, is almost unbearable in itself.
How terrified must she be? What does her future hold? How long will she know who I am? I'm not ready to slowly watch my Mom fade away before my very eyes.
They told her she can't drive, that in itself must be a stunning lose. How is she going to explain that to people she doesn't want to know about the diagnosis? Her whole life has changed, on a dime.
The doctor said it will be easiest on my Mom, I doubt that, at least not in the beginning. She already said, quite off-hand, that she would rather die than face this. I'm so sorry for her, I'm so scared for her.
How do I tell my daughters? My sister? When? When do we tell her friends? Who will stand by her? How are we going to do this?
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